The Triangle Men’s Inquiry web site

The first meeting gave me the rewarding experience of being able to help others who were in the early stages of the same pain I felt 7 years ago with a divorce from the mother of my children. Having gone through this experience, I was able to advise and encourage and see his spirit lifted. I wish someone could have been there for me when I needed it. - JC

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The Men's Inquiry offers a man a rare opportunity to converse personally and candidly with other men about topics of substance. In this culture, when a man reaches a certain age, he often finds that he has colleagues and acquaintances, but no close male friends with whom he can really open up and no setting that fosters deep communication. His conversational options typically seem to consist of empty time-killers, such as sports talk, generalized griping about women or the latest news headlines. The Men's Inquiry provides a forum in which men come to share their experience on questions designed to stretch their understanding of themselves and of what it is to be a man in this culture today. In my experience with the Men's Inquiry, I've learned things about myself and others, thought a lot about questions I might otherwise never have considered, and found ways to say things that I knew but had never articulated before. I recommend the Men's Inquiry to any man who wants to connect in good fellowship with others.

----Mike, Raleigh.

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I have to admit that I was a bit apprehensive in coming. I even wondered, why would I want to talk about something possibly personal with other GUYS? I had a great time, I really learned a lot of junk I was caring around in my head is not necessary. I recommend any man needs to go at least once! After going I thought why are we guys so hung up on not having real conversations with each other. How screwed up is that?! Thanks Martin for the courage to keep this going! I will be back!
T.G.

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You know, I kept putting off coming and what a mistake. That thing your wrote about how we isolate ourselves, reject acknowledgement and then feel un-respected and alone fit me uncomfortably well. I even made a business contact ( which is not why I came ) as well as some new friends. I am out of town a lot and appreciate that I can just drop in when I am in town. Thanks for opening your home for this and all the volunteer time you put on to keep this going.
C.M.

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Well, I have something to say to men that have NOT come to it at least a few times. Its free, its interesting, you may make some new friends, and I am sure it will be the best use of your time, so just GO!
M.S.

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I come, I feel truly feed in my soul, I justify not coming, I feel isolated, I get your email and say what the heck and come again, I really benefit from it. I think that the normal drift of man is to isolate himself in silent recognition and keep finding how I get sucked back into that. Keep the emails coming and thanks for actually doing something that no one else I know is doing!
J.S.

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Martin
I have read about your work for years and finally came from Winston Salem to the group. It was better than I expected and can not believe how I let my fear stop me for coming. It was a safe place and I really felt at home. Thanks for the work & the sacrifice you go through to make this occur.
JR.

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Martin, you have a way of getting to the words I can not find and do a great job in leading the group. It took me almost all month to work through all I get out of the one evening.
- Bob

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I have gained a lot from the men's inquiry but it is hard to put words to it. That is part of the reason I am hear to sort things out. I am going through a major mid-life crisis, that I'm at a point where I have to change. I know what I have heard here will make a difference. I just don't know how and when.
Man from Québec, Canada

There are some beautiful & powerful-spirited men here in this inquiry group who have the courage to be themselves and the courage to let others be themselves. Thanks you for what you have created! Randall

Thanks for your hard work even tho' sometimes I have to peer through the spaces in the picket fence and that means that I don't get the entire perspective as though I were on the other side of the fence. Stay with it. It means a lot to a lot of others like me (I am sure there are.....) who sometimes either do not have a response or either the time to write long thoughtful discourses about those things that make me as a man work. Most of that I am putting into essays and a journal with a view toward a publication one day--not for money but as an offering to those who are less fortunate than I either in dealing with the issues or with articulating them. So, there, MB!! Thanks! As my mother told me long ago, "When someone give you a compliment, all you have to do is say 'Thank you.'" And she is right So there, MB--THANK YOU! - Lucian

I have to tell you, I never thought men could be so honest. I actually felt tears come up on my drive home and called my son in college that night. We had one of the best talks of our life. I really did realized how hungry I was for this type of conversation.

Martin
I have been one of the contributors to the book and I would not have kept going without your encouragement, dedication and support.
You are a very good man!
We men do well when we see the beauty in ourselves and walk beside each other in our separate journeys.
- Chas

Clark
The questions alone were worth the price of admission! Seriously, I got as much out of reading the questions as I did out of replying to them. What have I committed to do different? I could answer something for almost every chapter of questions. One of the main items is realizing that my parents did the best they could in the situation they were in. They almost changed before my eyes as I asked the questions over and over. I can not imagine a man’s life would not change by reading these questions, in fact I can imagine a woman’s would not as well.

Rob
I found out that many things I thought were ‘just my problem’ I share with many men. This is a lot, I mean a lot!

Joel
My insight from this book, is that there is more to me than surfaces regularly in the day-to-day world; a bit of mystery, a bit of myth, a bit of me that is hidden and needs to be released. My commitment is to continue with men's work to uncover myself for a fuller richer life. This process and joining the Inquiry group has been a way of identifying the gold in my life. Thank you so much for reminding me that I am capable of being who I am and being proud of it. Where do men get this today?

Kyle
As I have been answering the questions posed for this book, many things are happening. I am thinking about what I have written, sometimes way after I've written it. I am seeing myself and listening to my own answers as though I am someone else. The way that this seems to be helping is that looking like this is clearer and without my judgments. So, I'm thinking it's helping me see what is true rather than what I have distorted.

For example, I found myself writing about my experiences with my father. He may not have been as cruel or violent as I wrote. Maybe I portrayed him unfairly. He didn't know how to express love, and yet I know he loved. His intentions were good. His work ethic was strong. He came from a life of hardship and cruelty in the old country and here in the US also in the early 1900s. Several of his brothers died in prison. And his family was broken, with young children put out on their own or in his reckless care.

He had bursts of meanness and violence. But, at the tenacious and caring hands of my mother I saw him reform and soften as he aged, with his desire to be responsible to his own family of six. My mother got the $96 weekly paycheck and she gave him $10 for all his expenses. He often worked dangerous jobs for extra money. He always came to watch me in sports. He was not educated. I was ashamed of him. He wasn't afraid of anyone. He seemed stingy but was generous to his family.

I am hurt that I only got brief dialogues with him, and none when I was older. I feel he had a lot to tell me about and I want to know now... but can't. Yes, as a boy he hurt me physically and it was a struggle psychologically too. But, I see now I was strong enough that it didn't harm me in any meaningful way. Perhaps it even inspired me to be Not like him... and it is taking me a long time to be Not like him. He was unpredictable, often hypocritical in raising me, and he was prejudiced against Negros being in the neighborhood. This bothered me a great deal, even as a small boy, and it has turned into my being my own lifelong watchdog for my prejudices. And prejudices creep into everything, interfering with my seeing the 'real' thing. And this has turned into my greatest aspiration-- to listen fully.

The dynamics of my mother and father, even though they were not openly affectionate, taught me a lot about love and about loyalty. And I remember the surprise I had experiencing their unconditional support of me at times I got in big trouble at school or with the police. It really feels good to remember this clearly.

So, when I first wrote about all this in answering the questions for the book, my memories were vague. But, as I wrote they became vivid. And my story was created. Except, how much of it did I make up? When fragments of memories are floating around like in dreams they don't necessarily make sense. Yet when I try to tell someone about them I push myself to make sense- and even to embellish them for the drama of the story.

And with that push is a desire or motive or agenda. And that is the problem. Having that desire propels me in a certain direction. Yet, finding the truth (or that which I don't know), I must not be pre-conditioned and looking for a reward. Logically, this must be true. Because, if I know what I want, it already begins to take on a form (and eliminating others), and then it is not something completely new, is it?. And if I know how to obtain the truth, than why would I earnestly look for it?

In this moment can I really come clean with myself, and with you? What often infiltrates my stories and personal experiences and memories is performance, drama, selling; maybe a need to appear 'good' or 'honest' for whatever deluded reason. Maybe it's OK to deceive, because this is one of my evolutionary crutches, but hopefully only until I learn I am strong enough to be without them... and the possibility to be totally open to what is true.

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This CD is well introduced and outlined, covering many topics. What strikes me most about is the honesty, and how men are speaking from their own experience, knowing that it has value. It talks about how we, as men, validate ourselves how we handle responsibility, how becoming a man can mean being responsible, and how that can level the playing field for all men. It talks about giving credit where credit due, about marriage, knowing what it is, being the person you want to be without having to jump trough hoops, traits of good people, how men contribute to each others lives. Excellent, raw communication on the important things in men’s lives.

Key word list: Men's Issues , Men's Work , Fatherhood , Father Issues , Women's Issues , Men's Movement , Men's Support Group , Men's Support Groups , Divorce Support , Men , Women , Fathers , Martin Brossman , Men's Support , Mens Inquiry , Men's Inquiry Men, Triangle Men's Inquiry , Inquiry , Men's Meeting , Men's group , male , man , masculinity , men's resources , Mens Issues , Fatherhood , Fathering , Dad, Dads, Men's groups in Raleigh, Men's group in Raleigh, Men's center in Raleigh


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